


to be left unsaid

by Mayarene Rose (Paradise_of_Mary_Jane)



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Gen, a lot of hurt but no comfort, aka i'm salty again and i'm so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 13:57:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17225318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paradise_of_Mary_Jane/pseuds/Mayarene%20Rose
Summary: Batman finds Dick after he regains his memories.AU where Dick regains his memories and doesn't go back to Gotham.





	to be left unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> A cut scene from "tell me which life to live" but I like it enough to post it on its own.
> 
> Also, uh, you probably need to know what happened in RHatO #25, Batman #55, and Nightwing #50 onwards. I'll put summaries in the end notes but this is basically me being very salty about those issues.
> 
> (This is my last salty piece istg)
> 
> Anyway, onwards!

Dick gets his memories back and hides out in Titans Tower. He gets to ignore the world there.He gets to pretend that things don’t hurt as much as they actually do. His friends are kind enough to let him live the lie for now and Dick loves them all the more for it.

It’s almost inevitable that Batman will eventually break through their defenses--he’s never been one to let things be, to let  _ Dick  _ be--but Dick wasn’t ready for it when it happened two weeks into his stay.

He wasn’t ready to see Bruce in the cowl, a slouch of exhaustion on his spine, staring at him with something that once upon a time Dick might have thought would be concern, saying, “come home,” voice gruff with emotion, like he means it.

And Dick doesn’t notice the “no” that escapes his lips until it has. He doesn’t regret saying it, though.

Batman opens his mouth to say something, probably to make some argument or excuse or whatever, and Dick snaps, “don’t,” and Bruce seems to take the hint and shut up.

Dick almost says,  _ I was in Bludhaven for two weeks without any memories, without anyone.  _ He wants to find the courage to say,  _ where were you? why weren’t you with me? why did you leave me?  _ but he doesn’t think he wants to find out the answer so he doesn’t ask.

What he does ask is, “what happened with Jason?”

There are whispers. It’s hard to keep a secret in their circles. Dick was supposed to look into it after patrol, when Bruce is always the most forthcoming. He hadn’t wanted to believe what he heard--things had been going so  _ well  _ between them--but it’s Bruce so he knows to reserve judgement.

Dick hadn’t wanted to known then and he doesn’t wanted to know now. There was always a part of Dick who will always be that wide-eyed child who believes in Batman. He needs to hear the truth from Bruce himself. There’s a boy who loved Bruce more than he cared to know a boy who needed him.

Dick thinks that that boy might have died when he got shot in the head, though. Or at the very least severely injured.

Batman doesn’t answer so Dick asks again:

“What happened with Jason?”

“We’ll discuss it back in the cave--” Bruce tries to say but Dick cuts him off.

“Don’t,” he snaps. “I was supposed to ask then and I’m asking now. What. Happened. With. Jason?”

Bruce must see the steel in his eyes. Dick followed Bruce’s orders but he’s never been subordinate to him. He has his own mind, ever since before his parents. There’s nothing Bruce can say to change his mind if he doesn’t want to. The two of them know this.

So Bruce tells him because he never says no to the man Dick grew up to be, just the boy he likes to pretend Dick still is. He needs a reminder so Dick reminds him. And Bruce tells him the entire disaster of a story filled with his pain and self-absorption, and a son’s suffering. Dick’s filled with too much grief for anger or disappointment. He might have gotten angry at any other time. Dick doesn’t have anything in him for that now.

“Leave,” Dick says.

He knows Bruce well. Knows the well-hidden hurt in his eyes. It’s hard not to immediately backtrack, to go out and say it’s okay, it’s alright, i _ forgive you, please be okay, i love you _ . More than a decade of kindness and forgiveness is too hard to grow out of. Dick will always be kind to Bruce at the end of the day, even when he wishes that Bruce were kinder to him.

But he thinks he has to be kind to himself, too; kind to his brothers and his friends, and.kind to himself most of all For once, he thinks he needs to be kind to himself, too.

“Please leave,” he says again. “You know there’s nothing else you can do here.”

For a moment, it seems that none of his words seem to pierce the cowl and the pain of it almost breaks him. There’s nothing left he can give. Dick is an empty body, a person who’s supposed to be a ghost, someone who died and forced to come back, a person filled with too much loss.

Robin was his name, full of laughter and smiles. Robin is the vibrant colors of spring. Robin is life. Robin is a hero. Robin belonged to his parents. Robin belonged to his brothers; to Jason, to Tim, to Damian, and whoever comes after them. He belongs to Gotham, to Batman and to Bruce. At some point, the name stopped being his.

Nightwing is… A person who wasn’t him gave it up for him, burned it to the ground and chipped away at everything it meant. Dick’s not ready to take it up again right now. Maybe in the future but not now.

A twitch of the mouth and Dick sees some of Bruce under the cowl. Sees some of the man who was almost a father to him. And he doesn’t say anything, just reaches to clasp Dick on the shoulder, heavy and familiar, and Dick doesn’t flinch away.

Betrayal still stings like a poison in his heart but. 

But. 

There’s no but, really. No but with whatever happened with Jason and all the ways Bruce and Dick have failed him. No buts with Dick being left for dead in Bludhaven, with everything that came before and everything that came after. No buts when it comes to Spyral, with Tim, and Damian, and Cass, and a thousand other hurts that have built up over the years. A thousand apologies that were never made.

Dick takes a breath and lets the weight of it settle between them, the things they never talked about, lets the pain linger between them instead of burying it in smiles and silences. It’s time for it. Loss has a way of revealing people, of making them talk about things they’d rather not.

Dick doesn’t say anything, though. He doesn’t need to. Besides, there’s nothing left to say right now, not about this. And Bruce seems to understand. Seems to realize something is broken, has been broken for a while and they can’t ignore it anymore. Seems to realize that there’s nothing left he can do and there’s nothing left for Dick to do, either. 

He says, “I’m sorry,” and Dick nods and it’s only acknowledgement, not acceptance, not forgiveness. 

Bruce’s hand falls away.

He leaves. It shouldn’t feel so much like a release.

But it does. It really does.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Comics summaries for people who are confused as to what this fic is about:  
> \- Bruce and Jason have a fight because Jason shot the penguin in the head. Bruce beats Jason up really bad and kicks him out of Gotham (RHatO #25)  
> \- Nightwing gets shot in the head (Batman #55)  
> \- Dick gets amnesia and starts going by Ric. He goes to Bludhaven and becomes a homeless cab driver who also seems to have a death wish and definitely does not want to be a superhero. It's implied that he ran away from the manor.
> 
> I love Bruce, I really do. He's my darling. I root for him (usually) and I want him to succeed. But he is also an incredibly frustrating, emotionally-repressed asshole.


End file.
